Life goes on, so they say
by bluedancer
Summary: A peek into what Rory may have been thinking before she turned down Logan's proposal and then a look into Logan's thoughts before and after. This is really two separate one-piece songfics that fit together nicely.
1. Older

This is a short one piece I wrote based of the song Older by Colbie Caillat. I just felt like the lyrics really gave a good picture of what Rory was probably thinking when she was trying to decide what to say to Logan. This is nothing more than what Rory's thought process might have been before she said no (which I so wish she hadn't.)

I don't own Gilmore girls, or colbie caillat's songs or lyrics. I only own the specific arrangement of these letters into words into sentences and paragraphs, if that.

* * *

_Waited all my life for this day to come  
I feel like letting go, life goes on  
Wasting no more time  
So much to be done  
Everything works out  
So they say  
Over my shoulder, it's tough getting older  
Yeah, yeah..._

_(Chorus)  
Seems like nothing is black and white anymore  
Shades of grey and I feel a weight over my shoulder  
It's tough getting older  
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go  
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder  
It's kinda tough getting older_

_Here before my eyes, many roads ahead  
Time for me to choose one way now  
If I take a chance  
What lies down the road  
Feeling so confused, turned round  
On and on, on and on  
yeah yeah..._

_Chorus_

_Waited all my life for this day to come  
I feel like letting go, life goes on  
Over my shoulder (on and on)  
It's tough getting older (on and on, on)  
Yeah, yeah..._

_Chorus_

* * *

Every little girl dreams of this day. We dream of how it might happen, of who it might be, of what he'll say, of how you'll feel. Yet, here I am, and all I can think about it how I have no idea what to say. My mind seems to be paralyzed. He wants me to marry him. Marry him! I want to jump, like we did in the past, but you can't just jump into a marriage, can you? I mean, this is our entire lives we're talking about, not a 5 minute free fall through the air at some silly event. This has real, everlasting consequences.

The word marriage scares me more than I ever though it could now that it's a real, living breathing possibility in front of me. It's not the fantasy we build up in our minds; it's a person you're agreeing to commit yourself to for the rest of your life. I can't help but feel like it's boxing me in, closing off so many doors. I mean, when you're married you can't just up and follow any job you want. You have to think about your husband, your kids. Oh god, kids? I can't even begin to think about having kids right now. He can't possibly want kids, can he?

There is so much I want to do with my life. Will I still be able to do it all as Mrs. Logan Huntzberger? Is this the life I really want?

I thought I loved him. I really did. But how can I love him if I can't even figure out what to say when he asks me to marry him. Shouldn't this be obvious? Doesn't everyone automatically say yes when the person they love and have been with for 2 and a half years asks them to marry them? We've been through so much together. It seems like the perfectly reasonable, logical conclusion.

Except I can't stop feeling unsure.

Damn it. Why do we have to get older? Why does life have to keep changing and moving? Why can't we stay in the pattern we're in? It's a really good pattern, it was working. Why does everything have to change?

I can't even formulate my thoughts enough to make a decent pro/con list. All I can think about is how I can't seem to think about it.

So I say no.

And he walks away.

It sucks getting older.


	2. Carolina Line

This is a one-piece songfic based on the chorus of Silers Bald's song Carolina Line (they are a pretty obscure group). It's Logan's perspective of his thoughts as he waits for and after he gets Rory's response to his proposal.

I do not own Gilmore girls, or Silers Balds lyrics.

* * *

_Lead me here with questions, lead me here to find  
Lead me to the answers, the killing kind  
All this just in time  
Cuz I wanted you to know, needed you to follow  
It's been so long and I'll be home tomorrow  
It's been this way for days; I need to hear you say  
You miss me, and baby you'll find your way  
To the Carolina line_

* * *

It feels like forever since I asked her, even though it hasn't even been 24 hours. I can't stop wondering what she's thinking, what she's going to say. Part of me hates that she hesitated, but part of me is willing to giver her all the time in the world to wait for her answer, because I can't imagine wanting to be with anyone else the way I want to be with her.

After her graduation, she walks over. I know this is it. When I'm going to get my answer. Part of me wishes I hadn't even asked. But this is how people are supposed to move forward.

As I hear her say "I can't" it kills me more than I ever though two words could kill a person. As I grab the box to walk away, I can't help wishing that I could rewind time back to that moment before I asked her, so we wouldn't be in this all or nothing situation. Maybe I pushed her too far, too fast. If only I had waited.

But I couldn't have waited. I had been holding in the proposal for too long already. I needed her to know that I was in this for the long run, for good.

I walk away. And she doesn't follow.

Months go by, and I can't stop thinking about her. I find myself back in town on business, and I can't help but try to find her. I only just manage to get Lorelai to tell me that she's still on the campaign trail, probably somewhere in the Carolinas for at least the next couple of days. It takes all my strength not to run and find her. I want to skip work, forget about everything, just so I can see her eyes one more time, hear her voice. I don't know what I'm looking for. Closure? No. I don't want closure, I want my yes. I want to know she misses me as much as I miss her. But she turned me down, not the other way around.

I consider searching Obama's campaign trail, and conveniently finding a reason to be in the same place at the same time. Anything to give me a chance to see her again, to see if she's okay, and if her feelings have changed.

I consider, but I can't. I can't risk feeling her rejection again. So I go home. Or at least, to as much of a home I can have in the house meant for us, for her. And life goes on, just not the way I'd planned.


End file.
